Jihadi Forum Publishes Posthumous Article by CIA Khost Base Bomber
No. 2740 - January 7, 2010
On January 7, 2010, an online jihadi forum posted a new article written by Khost CIA base bomber Abu Dajana Al-Khorasani shortly before he embarked on his suicide mission. In the article, titled "When Will My Words Drink From My Blood? - I Am Now Fit For Publication" Abu Dajana, who was known for his brilliant pro-jihad writings, reveals his inner conflict as an advocate of jihad who does not practice what he preaches.
"I Can No Longer Write, and I Want to Be Sent to Early Retirement… These Feelings, Which Burden Me – I Can No Longer Bear Them"
"I decided to avoid publishing this article, by way of precaution, in accordance with the Hadith 'In time of trial, seek hiding.' However, the sight of the blood of Muslims in Gaza, small children, women, and powerless people, who were killed by the bombs of the brethren of apes and pigs, encouraged me to publish the article, so that it may strengthen the resolve of [even] a single Muslim in the frontlines, and that I will gain reward from Allah.
"I can no longer write, and I want to be sent to early retirement. I have gone bankrupt. I have withered. I'm tired, I'm fed up. I try to write this or that article, and then, when I have written just a line or two, my words turn into something incoherent, as if I suffer from mental blindness or emotional confusion. My written lines weigh heavy on my shoulders, and my words come to besiege me whenever I close my eyes. These feelings which burden me – I can no longer bear them. I feel that my words have become pale and without effect. They are dying in front of their writer, and I feel that I have become an elderly person about whom people whisper: this is an old man whose contemporaries have died. Every day that goes by, while I stay away from jihad, robs me of part of my life, my health, and my resolve; and the gap continues to grow between what I dream about and where I actually am…"
"What I Fear Most is That [When I Die] I Would Meet a Man Who Died as a Martyr Under the Effect of My Words, Whereas I Shall Die in Bed"
"My heart burns to ashes because of my love for jihad. Oh, you who write about jihad and urge people to it, beware of falling in the same trap like me. What I fear most is that [when I die] I would meet a man who died as a martyr under the effect of my words, whereas I shall die in bed. This is a nightmare which makes me sleepless and it wrecks my nerves. I'm afraid that on the day of resurrection, standing before a mountain of [my] sins, I shall be asked to account for each and every one of them, and it shall be a long account, and I will be covered with sweat, while they [i.e. the martyrs] will be moving about the rooms of paradise in everlasting pleasure. One of them will say to the other: 'What do you say about him who used to be called Abu Dajana Al-Khurasani, who used to urge people to go to jihad?' And the other one will answer: 'But he died in bed, a contemptible death, having stayed away from jihad. I wish for him that he had benefited by his own words. He was like a wick that burned itself to give light to the others.' . . .
"I'm afraid of shameful exposure in the courts of the day of resurrection if I'm not killed by the weapon of my enemy. I'm afraid to be branded as a liar, and that my words will be the evidence for my conviction. Whenever I hear of someone who died I die, and with every illness about which I hear – I become ill. With every passing year I grow ten years older. This is Allah's judgment regarding those who stay away from jihad… My words are going to die if I don't save them with my blood, and my emotions will be extinguished if I don't kindle them with my death. My articles will testify against me, if I don't give them the proof of my being free of hypocrisy…
"It's either me or them [my articles]. The world cannot have both of us in it. One of us must die, so that the other can continue to live, and I wish it is I who shall die."
"The Reward [for Martyrdom] Includes also the Uppermost Paradise … in the Company of the Prophet Muhammad"
"By God, if the reward for martyrdom for the sake of Allah had only been forgiveness of sins and the exemption from being called to account for one’s sins, I should sacrifice my property and my life for it. All the more so, since the reward includes also the uppermost paradise. How much more so since it also includes being in the company of the Prophet Muhammad. All the more so, since it includes being safe from the great anxiety [on the Day of Judgment]. All the more so, since it includes the right to intercede on behalf of seventy members of family… I looked at my extended family and counted more than 100 persons, both dead and alive, but I have not found among them any martyr, or the father, or mother, or brother of a martyr. I don't know any martyr amongst whose seventy relatives, for whom he intercedes, I can be counted. So how shouldn't I worry, and how shouldn't I be alarmed? How wouldn't my heart be shaken, since the great gate of intercession is closed in my face.
"Oh God, I beseech Thee not to let me die except as a martyr for Your sake. Oh God, I beseech Thee that I would [be given the chance to] massacre Your enemies and then be killed under the ruins of a building destroyed by the Jews and the crusaders, and that the rescue people shall not take out my body, so that my corpse should turn into human fertilizer that will bring forth fruit upon which a Muslim child shall feed and become a jihad fighter when he grows up."
"[I Want] to Be a Car Bomb Which Shall Work Like a Taxi Car Bringing the Largest Possible Number of Jews to Hell"
"Martyrdom – how enraptured in it free men are! It occupies their whole being, so they think of obtaining it before they fall asleep, and after they wake up and even in their dreams…
"In the past I did not wish to be in Gaza, but today I wish it. I want to be a mortar bomb which the believers shoot in their mortar saying Allahu Akbar when they shoot me. Or [I want] to be a car bomb which shall work like a taxi car bringing the largest possible number of Jews to hell… I feel as though I smell the fragrance of paradise from the direction of Gaza, as though heaven's gates have become wide open to welcome the people of Allah and his chosen ones in the front lines… The front lines expect the likes of Abu Mus'ab Al-Zarqawi, Abu Layth Al-Libi, ‘Omar Hadid and ‘Imad ‘Akel. Oh, that martyrdom for the sake of Allah shall be your wish."